


The Birthday Treat

by Landi_Elliot



Series: October Tales [1]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Asexual Character, Birthday Presents, Escape Rooms, Friendship, Game of Thrones References, Games, Gen, Inktober, Metafiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-13
Updated: 2019-11-13
Packaged: 2021-01-30 02:28:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21420688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Landi_Elliot/pseuds/Landi_Elliot
Summary: There are three friends who are really into Good Omens. Two of them share a birthday, October 12. The third friend finds a perfect birthday present for them. This is only a beginning of something bigger...
Series: October Tales [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1544227
Kudos: 3





	The Birthday Treat

**Prologue**

“They really have no idea, do they?”

“No idea, whatsoever.”

“So… do you think they’ll ever figure it out?”

“Nah. Not a chance.”

“I agree.”

“Please stop giggling: it’s not very transcendental.”

“Sorry, darling. I’ll try.”

“Better. I can begin, finally.”

“Please, do!”

**The Birthday Treat**

“They say it’s your birthday,” Audrey sings over the phone. Iris picks up the song immediately, “It’s my birthday too, yeah.”

This tradition is 10 years old, at least. Or more? They have been best friends for what feels like forever, sharing their birthday, October 12, and the ever-growing memory load of insane joint birthday celebrations. It is their thing. As far as personality traits are concerned, Audrey and Iris have surprisingly little in common for two women born on the same day, but the penchant for exotic partying is definitely there.

“Has Joseph texted you yet?” Audrey inquires with impatience in her voice. Iris smiles to herself, picturing Audrey, clutching her phone with those plump fingers decorated with gorgeous long nails. What colour are they today? Iris is guessing black and purple to match Audrey’s recent change in style. Iris imagines her friend skipping on one foot in anticipation, although that is probably a stretch.

“Yes, he has. I bet he texted us both at the same time,” she says holding her phone between her ear and her shoulder, as she is googling cake ideas on her laptop. She is in the baking mood, which seldom coincides with their birthday, so she might as well make the most of it.

“So, what do you think this _surprise_ is?” Audrey asks hungrily.

“Why don’t we wait and see?” Iris suggests, and Audrey groans. Patience is not her forte. “Let’s catch up as soon as Jos texts again, okay, hun?”

Audrey swears affectionately and hangs up.

Joseph has been their friend for another forever: initially the best mate of one of Iris’s boyfriends, but then a friend in his own right, and a fantastic one at that. As Audrey and Iris’s joint birthdays slowly drifted in their exotic flavour from insanity to slightly embarrassing sophistication (Joseph’s terms), he has taken it upon himself to throw surprise parties or outings. The themes have never repeated themselves, not once. Iris is just as curious as Audrey about his current idea. She also wonders if she has enough time to bake a cake. But it was a Saturday morning so the odds are good.

*

Audrey wants to keep talking to Iris, exchanging ideas and guesses about Joseph’s surprise, but she knows when Iris prefers to be left alone. She obviously prefers it right now, and no amount of enthusiasm and excited babble on Audrey’s part would tempt her out of the shell at the moment. It has taken Audrey a while to figure out this whole shell thing and even longer to learn to respect it. Those introverts – they should be made illegal!

But Audrey also knows that Iris would do whatever she has chosen to occupy herself with this morning, ignoring calls from anyone who is not close enough, and having a project fulfilled, she would feel better about the ordeal of facing other people. Audrey pictures her friend looking at herself in the mirror, picking an eyeliner to make her Asian eyes even more mysterious, meticulously brushing her short highlighted hair curling slightly just above the neckline, picking some outfit with an autumn feel to it (Audrey herself can never do this seasons thing with her looks) and finally opening up her shell. Her precious pearl of a friend. Though sometimes more of an oyster, really. Not that Audrey minds.

But she does mind the waiting, the suspense, the not-knowing. All right, bugger it, she is going to call Jos and shake it out of him.

*

Joseph has everything planned and ready, so he can just relax this fine Saturday morning. His chosen relaxation method is sketching and he is currently doing the Inktober marathon. The prompt for Day 12 is “Dragon”, which is basically “draw whatever you like with a dragon in it” kind of prompt. Joseph prefers something more challenging, like “Pattern” that he did on Thursday. That was good! Fortunately, he has also picked an additional theme for himself, cinema, so now he would have to choose between Smaug and Daenerys’s dragons. That is tough. His phone is vibrating but someone is going to have to wait. He is almost certain it is Audrey, anyway.

It wasn’t tough to pick a theme for Audrey and Iris, though. They have been banging on about _Good Omens_ since… well, how long has it been? It feels like years, but surely the show only appeared earlier this year, so no more than several months. Had they been fans of the book before the release of the show? Joseph doubts that, although all three of them read it years ago. But somehow those annoying angel and demon only got to people in earnest after Michael Sheen and David Tennant had made a right meal of them. Quite a scrumptious meal, Joseph has to admit, so no wonder people are feasting on it. Audrey and Iris, his best pals, are insatiable. Which made his task all the more straightforward. He only had to find a way of wrapping _Good Omens_ up for them and tie them up with string. And he has done that, so they are now in for an adventure. A quest, if you like.

So, what about the dragon? Smaug is an old classic, of course, but there are more possibilities with _The Game of Thrones_ ones. That flight Jon and Dany took – quite a challenge. He will have to render the emotion as well as physicality. Joseph might be an asexual himself, but not aromantic, especially in his drawings. Yes, the flight would be quite the thing. Besides, he is still upset he didn’t think of using Jon Snow for his yesterday’s sketch. The prompt was “Snow” and he went for _The Groundhog Day_. The sketch came out well though, showing that snow sculpturing scene so he shouldn’t complain. He sharpens his pencil and starts sketching.

After a while, he puts his sketchbook down, satisfied, and runs his fingers across his beard. Then he checks the time. Almost twelve. All right, time for the second text.

Joseph types in the address and the time, nothing else, and touches the send icon. He can see Audrey’s and Iris’s faces in his mind’s eye. Audrey’s big eyes and full lips, all flutter and chatter and impatience. Iris’s misty look and long graceful arms, probably folded in front of her. He should sketch them both one day – maybe even this Inktober. But right now he is going back to his dragons.

*

“I can’t believe it! I honestly can’t believe my eyes!” Audrey is saying ecstatically as the three of them are standing in front of the door leading to their birthday treat. “Jos, you are such a treasure… awww… come over here!”

She hugs him with feeling, and Iris, laughing, asks her to leave some Joseph for her, too. She watches Audrey hugging Joseph and then touching her hand unconsciously to the right temple where her new tattoo is black against her flushed skin. Audrey has said she couldn’t cope with the suspense, so she went to get this tattoo done while she was waiting. The nails are black and purple, just as Iris imagined.

“It’s only temporary, mind. It’ll be gone in a couple of weeks. And don’t you dare to look like that at me, Iris! I know I am nothing like Crowley! I know I am fat while he is skinny; I know I am clumsy while he is all sleek and cool… No, don’t give me that you-should-be-body-positive lecture now, Jos, I am fucking positive, body and spirit, that is why I’ve got myself this tattoo in the first place, because I don’t give a damn!”

“And you’re cool,” Iris reminds her.

“Yes, that’s that, too.”

That finishes the tattoo discussion, although Audrey still seems to be a bit uncomfortable. But she apparently forgets all about her unease when she sees the door. It is Good-Omens-themed escape room. It takes Audrey about a dozen “I can’t believe my eyes” exclamations before she calms down a little.

“I didn’t even know they had one of them in town.” Iris says. She is just as surprised and pleased as Audrey, though she is not very good at showing this. “I read about that one in London, but… here? Who would have thought?”

“Well, I did,” Joseph says proudly.

“It must be brand-new,” Iris remarks.

“It is,” Joseph replies. “It only opened in September. Besides, they say on the website that you actually need some _Good Omens_ knowledge. Unlike most themed escape rooms. So it’s designed for you specially, Omens junkies.”

“Oh my god, oh my god, oh my GOD!” Audrey sings and Iris feel a pleasant jolt of anticipation. And a cold touch of fear.

“You should have told us, though, don’t you think, Jos? We could have brushed up on our Omens while we had time,” Iris says with mild reproach. “I spent the whole morning baking an Angel cake.”

“An Angel cake?!” Audrey screams. “The actual _Angel cake_ they mentioned in the book? The one Aziraphale gobbles up in Episode 2?”

“The very one,” says Iris.

“And you dare to say you guys need brushing up on the Omens?” smirks Joseph. “I mean, look at you – one with her snake tattoo, the other with her angel cake, both able to recite the book and the show backwards. Let’s get inside and show them!”

And in they go.

*****

The escape room is on the second floor of a large mansion. The lobby is all done up in black and white, and the friends are ushered in by a young man dressed in a matching monochrome. Audrey, overexcited, grabs some water from the cooler, while Iris is inwardly fighting her fear. She sometimes feels she is too slow and clueless in escape rooms, good enough only for randomly groping around looking for objects that can be unscrewed or shoved into other objects. But if this one truly requires more than just logical thinking and puzzle-solving, she can do better for once.

Joseph seems the only one totally relaxed: Iris is a bit jealous of his confidence. But then there is no more time for mixed feelings: the young man leads them into the door of the escape room itself and starts the briefing.

“According to ancient prophesies,” he intones solemnly, “the world is going to end when the Antichrist arrives on Earth and comes into his full power. It has come to pass. The Antichrist has risen, the Hellhound has been named and the Four Riders of the Apocalypse have ridden forth.”

“And the Other Four?” Audrey asks, and Iris nudges her with her elbow.

“Ah, I see that you are well-versed in ancient wisdom. All the better for humanity – with you it may still stand a chance. As a matter of fact, the world will be ending today, unless several heroes reach the village of Lower Tadfield, as prophesied by Agnes Nutter, witch.”

“Are we going to Tadfield then?” Audrey interrupts him again.

“I am afraid not, my brave Apocalypse averters,” continues the gamehost with a deadpan expression on his face. “Your coming to Tadfield is not mentioned by Mistress Nutter. Four shall ride there – they are on their way, and the Antichrist with his hellish dog and his friends will ride – they are on their way, as well. Two couples from the Prophesies are already there: a young witch and an old one, as well a young witchfinder and an old one, too. But…”

“Oh I am SO going to like this…” Audrey sings. Joseph and Iris nudge her together.

“But,” the man goes on, unflustered, “the last two creatures without whom the world may not be saved, have mysteriously disappeared. A certain angel named Aziraphale and a no-less-certain demon known as Antony J. Crowley cannot be found. The task now falls to you to find them and bring them to the road on which young Adam and his friends will be riding. They will take them over from there. But the task has to be performed within one hour, or all is lost.”

Audrey rubs her hands and Iris feels a panic-attack. She has never liked deadlines and countdowns.

“The Room is fully automated, but God from above will be watching you and She may intervene if She deems it necessary,” the host continues, and Joseph can actually hear him capitalising that “She”. “Your main guide is _this_. If your own wits are enough to unravel the Prophesies, read only on the left. Should that prove hard, read also on the right.”

With that he hands them a copy of _The Book of Nice and Accurate Prophesies by Agnes Nutter, Witch_. He also gives them an old-fashioned bag to put in it.

“Oh my _god_!” Audrey whispers reaching out for the book. It looks exactly as in the show. The bag also rings the bell: it is a replica of the handbag Aziraphale had in the Blitz episode. “Oh my god, oh my GOD!”

“Yes, _She_ is here,” the gamehost confirms solemnly. “Playing the Ineffable Game of Her Own Devising. Are you ready to step into this game and save the world?”

“Yes!” say all three. It is a calm yes, as well as an ecstatic and an apprehensive one.

“Then the game is on,” proclaims the young man and opens the door for them. As they walk through, he adds. “Beware: you may pay dearly for your mistakes.”

And the door locks behind them.


End file.
